I’ve got a diet for you. Oh, have I got a diet for you. It’s fantastic! Eat whatever you want, and I still guarantee that your waistline will shrink dramatically by 5 inches as you lose 10 to 20 pounds the first week. By week two, you’ll be as slender as Grace Kelly. By week 3, lanky as Twiggy in her heyday. And is it healthy? Hey, of course. Trust me. We’re talkin’ vittles without skittles.
What? You can’t believe it? Okay, okay, there are some minor, modest eh… let’s just call them inconveniences. Yes, my chow is worth a thou, but if you order now, you’ll receive your first Super Bulemic Diet meal for a measly c-note. Our generous financial plans do require that you pay up front as we deliver the delicious food we’ve customized to your personal needs right to your front door (or any window of your choosing). And, of course, you’re signing our contract agreement means that you’ll have to puke up everything following each and every exquisite gourmet offering on the menu because, remember, this is a zero calorie diet. (Harken to our slogan: You purge when we urge.) True, you may not survive more than a week, but you’ll keep on losing weight. As I said – Guaranteed! Or your money back.
I can say all of this if I want, and I don’t think the FDA is gonna interfere. I mean there’s a whole slew of companies actively peddling similar malarkey. (Note: I’m not saying that all of these so-called “diets” do not provide adequate nutrition, but almost all diets will ultimately fail for biological reasons. With few exceptions, all of the genetic testing and blood testing to determine personal diets are essentially unproven by careful, scientific evidence. I can think of one exception, actually two, now that I think of it: lactose intolerance for those who can’t digest certain sugars, and gluten-free diets for celiac disease.)
Eventually, we have to take our heads out of the proverbial sand. Yeah, we bury our brains very deeply when we get seduced and snookered by alluring hogwash coming from scam artists. And those guys are all over the place these days. So, then – for the umpteenth time – what is real? What is trustworthy and believable? What is the truth, for Pete’s sake, and where can I find it?
Eh, you can find it in Part IV. I’m too depressed to go on right now. A sadistic guy just swept the floor with me in a ping pong match. The SOB didn’t even give me a mercy point. See you next time. Lao Du