There’s been talk, whispers at first, then louder rumblings, about some ‘questionable behavior’ by the treasurer of PPP – that would be me. For example, some of the Bored members didn’t appreciate our purchase of extra cake for me after the last recent party. Well, the decision to buy those rich Pepperidge Farm Golden Layer Cakes (so moist and topped with a “creamy icing”) was made by a few of my subordinates (‘Racketeers’) – I had nothing to do with it. And the ‘pricey’ security detail these Bored Members are bitching about, is also a nothing burger. Yeah, I had one of Pleasantville’s finest accompany me on my way home to Connecticut – I don’t deny that. But that’s because I’d just beaten this guy with long pips in the Thursday night league, and everyone knows how malicious and vindictive those guys can be. I just didn’t want that Two Winged Looper to cut me off on Route 120. Thank god for that cop car. Didn’t cost us that much anyway.

Look, if they don’t like what I’m doing, then bring in Scott Pruitt as treasurer. But why? I’ve already drained the swamp. Now, Ben Carson, another Trump cabinet guy, he bought 30,000 dollars worth of furniture for his office. I only paid a fraction of that for my new Barclay Lounger (a very comfy chair, I must say) – so PPP didn’t get ripped off, believe me. And I only got one ticket at the Tennis stadium for the Open. Shulkin, the Dept of Veterans Affairs guy, got a whole truckload of Wimbledon tickets. And, sure, I used a private jet to visit my sister in Maryland. What, you wanted me to walk? C’mon, who donated all the Diet Coke at the last tournament? And I didn’t even pay myself back for that stuff.

Bottom line: Trump says I’m doing a terrific job at Treasury. Lao Du